Info

Rhett Smith Podcast

Therapist + Writer + Speaker In this long-form interview format Rhett explores the lives of various thought leaders to discover what helped them thrive in multiple areas of their lives, and what lessons we can learn from them. Rhett is particularly interested in the intersection of self-care and relationships, and he loves to explore how one can thrive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He interacts with people such as therapists, athletes, spiritual leaders, entrepreneurs and many others, covering a variety of topics from fitness, leadership, mental health, and spirituality. What would your marriage look like when you are thriving? What does your parenting look like when you are thriving? What does your work look like when you are thriving? What does your faith look like when you are thriving? When we thrive in these areas of our lives we become people who are "life-giving." And when we are "life-givers" we impact all the relationships around us in positive ways. So engage the podcast and discover how you can thrive personally and relationally.
RSS Feed Subscribe in iTunes
Rhett Smith Podcast
2017
August
July
May
April
March
February
January


2016
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2015
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March


All Episodes
Archives
Now displaying: Page 1
Aug 17, 2017

Wow! I can't believe I am already at Episode 100. I published my first episode back on March 24, 2015, with the goal of trying to get at least one episode published per week. With that in mind I was hoping to hit 100 episodes right around the two year mark, if not before. But, things don't always go as planned, and two years and five months later we come to 100.

 

I set out doing this podcast, not really knowing what I was doing, or where I was going to go with it. And it probably took me a good 55 episodes or so before I began to even feel like I was finding my voice.

 

So in this episode I talk about that journey we all take where we are trying to listen closely to what our next steps our. The Latin word for vocation literally means voice. That is, there is a voice that calls us, guides us, directs us..it speaks deeply to us and compels us towards our vocation, whether it be professionally, or a service, or a hobby. But it can be hard sometimes to hear that voice, and we often find ourselves waiting around, fearful to take the next steps unless they are clearly laid out for us. But what I am finding is that the most valuable things in life are rarely clearly laid out for us. Instead, we often take a step because we feel called to do so, and we wait to we are called to take the next step. It's that little (or maybe sometimes booming voice) that speaks to us and leads us, if we listen.

 

In this episode I explore some ways to listen more carefully to this vocation...this voice in our lives:

  • I discuss in this episode the role of journaling and reflecting upon the journaling as a tool to better listen for vocation.
  • I discuss in this episode the role of inviting others in and asking them to help give you feedback towards vocation.
  • I discuss in this episode the role of experimenting, and just taking next steps that are unknown.
  • And last, I discuss in this episode the role of silence as a way to create space to listen for vocation.

 

Resources Mentioned in Episode

Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer

Jul 27, 2017

Sometimes I have thoughts that I have been processing and I just want to explore out loud with others. In this case, the others is you. So in this episode I explore what it looks like to wrestle with taking the next step in your life, and how you discern what the next step is. Though this could be the case for many things, I mainly look at the next step in terms of work, vocation, hobby, etc, rather than relationships for example.

 

In my counseling practice in Plano, TX I work with a lot of individuals and couples and families who are trying to do this very thing...explore their next steps. So in this episode I lay out a tentative, in the process...working framework of:

  • exploration/experimenting
  • committing and refining
  • doing the work/putting in the hours/mastering the craft
  • letting go
  • and being open

Check out this episode and let me know what you think.

Jul 27, 2017

A couple of weeks ago, my colleagues and I at Thriiive Practices did a lecture for the Meadow's lecture series on emotional regulation.

 

What is emotional regulation? It's essentially one's ability to control or manage their automatic, reactive responses to an emotional trigger, and instead, respond accordingly (and in a healthy manner). That is my definition of sorts, though I say it a lot of different ways. My mentor Terry Hargrave in my training for Restoration Therapy said at one point to our training group, "emotional regulation is the name of the game." And it is. As you look at the mounting research on the brain, especially through fMRI scans and other data, we find that one's ability to emotionally regulate themselves is the key to healthy relationships. If you want a more thorough definition, read this.

 

Or if you want a really good, but simple understanding of it, check out Dan Siegel's demonstration of his strategy of name it to tame it. I've also written about this strategy here.

 

In this episode I talk about what emotional regulation is and why it's so important.

Resources Mentioned in Episode

Terry Hargrave

Restoration Therapy

Dan Siegel

Tina Payne Bryson

The Whole Brain Child

Jul 19, 2017

I read a lot of books, but I don't consider myself the best book reviewer. Even though I read with pen in hand and underline and take notes throughout my books, I'm not great at writing about the details. But what sticks out to me are those big ideas in a book...the ones that you can't stop thinking about. The ones that cause paradigm shifts within. Those I obsessively think about, and figure out ways to practice them in my own personal life, and in the work of my clients in my therapy practice.

 

Over the last two years, four books have stood out in my mind like no other because of some lasting ideas that have created big change for me. Some of these books are fairly new (like this year) and others are a few years old. But their thoughts are ones that I have been writing and speaking about a lot the last 18 months. And I have found ways to implement the ideas into multiple areas of my life (parenting, marriage, running, therapy practice, etc.).

 

So I want to mention these 4 books to you and the big ideas that are sticking in my brain and impacting my life. And then I will also mention two other books that have stuck with me, but if you have to read only 4...then I'm sticking with the original four I'm discussing.

 

Book 1: Grit: The Power and Passion of Perseverance by Angela Duckworth --This book was absolutely amazing. But there is one thing I keep coming back to time and time again. In the book Duckworth talks about the importance of deliberate practice and flow. The takeaway for me is that we can never reach a flow state, or become great at what we do unless we deliberately practice over and over and over again. This has absolutely changed how I work with clients. Even though I always gave them things to practice, I'm now convinced more than ever that change doesn't occur without this practice. Michael Jordan doesn't reach that flow state in a playoff game unless he deliberately practied 10,000's of hours. Michael Phelps never reaches that flow state unless he swam lap after lap after lap, and visualized himself swimming every stroke of a race before racing. Couples don't change negative patterns of behavior (pain cycle) and create new ones (peace cycle) without deliberate practice. But when they do, the flow is beautiful to watch in a relationship. She writes, "First, deliberate practice is a behavior, and flow is an experience."

 

Book 2: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown --This book was also amazing. I had already been listening to The Minimalists podcast and been exploring this idea. I have always been attracted to minimalism and it's aesthetic, but he takes the understanding of essentialism and brings it into real practical, real world examples that I could employ. A lot of things stood out to me, but I loved this quote, "Remember that if you don't prioritize your life someone else will.” I started realizing that if I didn't take control of my life and prioritize what was important, I would never accomplish the big goals in my life. And prioritizing helped me really come back to the essentials and what I wanted to do in my marriage, parenting and work.

 

Book 3: Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport --I only read this book back in March or so, but it has already changed a lot of how I work and how I think about work. His recommended experiments with social media abstinence already produced higher levels of focus and output in my life, and it has helped increase my enjoyment in life and my connection with other people. Newport makes a compelling case for the future of work will be dependent on those who are able to stay focused, cut out distractions and work at a very deep level. Those who can't do this will find it ever increasingly hard to find work. He writes, “If you don’t produce, you won’t thrive—no matter how skilled or talented you are.” Newport also gets a lot into the brain science behind distraction and deep work, and it resonates deeply with the work I do with Restoration Therapy. This is just one of those books you read and you keep saying "wow....wow", and it lead to a a lot of conviction that created healthy change.

 

Book 4: Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness --I just finished this book in June while on vacation. What I loved about this book the most is that I felt it was a culmination of the three books above, but they take it a step further. They get into the importance of deliberate practice and flow, and they talk about why it's important to become an essentialist, and they talk about the brain science...but then they put it all into a real practical framework that you can start practicing yourself. Their chapter and tool to help you develop a personal purpose statement is worth the book alone. This book just brought everything home to me in a very powerful way. I highly recommend this book.

The corresponding themes that these books contain, and what resonates so powerfully for me in my own life and my therapeutic work is this:

  • they all get the importance of the newest brain science and how emotional regulation is everything. In my work, a client or couple who can't emotionally self-regulate won't be able to create change.
  • they all get the importance of essentialism, and minimalizing your life in order to really focus on what is important.
  • they all get the importance of working at a deep level, void of distraction.
  • they all get the importance of deliberate practice and how that leads to flow.
  • they all get the importance of purpose.

And all these things are crucial in counseling and therapy, and in creating change and getting to transformation.  

 

I talk about two other books in this podcast episode as well, but I don't write about above are:

 

The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family: A Leadership Fable? About Restoring Sanity to the Most Important Organization in Your Life by Patrick Lencioni. I read this book back in 2010 and have written and talked about it extensively, and even recorded a podcast episode on it last year. I love the book, but I feel that the purpose stuff in Peak Performance is easier for people to complete than in this book. But I love this book and highly recommend.  

 

Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why? by Laurence Gonzalez. This is a great book filled with stories of survival and tragedy. Gonzalez dives in real deep to how our brain works in survival/panic/conflict situations, and why the ability to remain calm (emotionally regulate) means everything often to who survives. This book just reiterated even more the work of emotional self-regulation in therapy work, but is attached in the context of wilderness stories. It's a great read.

Jul 19, 2017

One of the things that I hear as a counselor a lot, typically near the end of an intake session with a client, is the question, "How is this going to look?" The question can be asked in a variety of ways, but what is implicit is usually either some form of anxiety over the next steps, or just a general curiosity about what people are signing up for when they enter into counseling.

 

Counseling can vary greatly from counselor to counselor, and with that, there can be a variety of varied expectations then that people going through counseling have. Some people have been to a lot of counseling and all their experiences are different, while some people have still not been to counseling, and wonder what that experience will look like.

 

Something I have tried to do a lot more in the last 4-5 years of my private practice is properly set expectations with clients when they come into see me for the first time. Whether they ask the question first, or I initiate the conversation, I usually try to walk clients through a general "roadmap" or "pathway" of what counseling might look like. I let them know that things can always change, and this is only a first session, but here is what I think will work best based on what you are telling me, the goals you have, and the experience that I bring to our sessions. I also always follow up with every client via email after the first session (usually within a few hours, but rarely longer than 24 hours later). In that email I talk about our first session, what I heard, the goals that I think they have, the issues we could explore together. And in that email I lay out a big overview of the counseling process, listing the significant pieces, as well as narrowing down on the next steps. And I usually always attach some type of "hoomework" in that initial email so that client's can begin engaging in the process.

 

Based on all my experience as a therapist both pastorally and clinically, as well as my experience in training and sitting across from a therapist in my own counseling, here is what I find to be most helpful in terms of a "roadmap" for counseling. Now of course, I hope to continue to grow and learn as a therapist, so these thoughts are only a point in time, but I think most of the framework will always exist for me, with tweaks along the way.

 

First, I think it's important that the therapist helps the client engage in some type of work in and out of session that involves the work of insight, which is simply, the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing. This type of work can be done in a lot of ways, but for me it usually involves work around one's family of origin issues (i.e. family genogram, etc.), as well as walking through someone's personal stories and experience.

 

Second, I do the work of helping a person take that insight, and I help them identify and create their Pain Cycle. This Pain Cycle is often referred to by other names, but in the work I do with Restoration Therapy, that is what it is called. It's essentially the process of helping one identify their negative pattern of behavior by helping them locate their core feelings and the coping behaviors that flow from them. This is often us in our most primal, reactive state. When you think of fight or flight, and the amygdala getting triggered, this is the pattern that comes up. Though not all of our reactive states are negative, a lot of them are in relational conflict, which is what I work a lot with both in my work with individuals and couples. If I frame it from a faith perspective, this is the old self at work that Paul refers to in Ephesians 4:22.

 

Third, I do the work of helping a person take their insight, and I help them identify and create their Peace Cycle. The Peace Cycle is also referred to by other names in other theories, but in Restoration Therapy this is what we refer to it as. The Peace Cycle is ourselves when we are emotionally regulated. Think about what you are like when you are living in your truth, or think of yourself in a centered and grounded state. When you are in this place, what actions flow from that. This is you in your Peace Cycle. Again, if I frame this in a faith perspective, this is the new self at work that Paul refers to in Ephesians 4:23. The Pain and Peace Cycle is part of the work of insight, and the Peace Cycle is the step that helps up a person move from emotional dysregulation to emotional regulation.

 

Fourth, as we are doing the work of insight and the Pain and Peace Cycle (because though I'm laying things out in a linear fashion...therapy, or growth itself is not always linear. I find that all these steps are engaged consecutively in the therapeutic process), I help clients find ways to practice the insight that they have. What I believe is that you can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't practice it in some way, you don't change. You don't get transformation. In the Restoration Therapy model I use the 4 steps to help clients practice: 1) Say what you feel; 2) Say what you normally do; 3) Say your truth; 4) Say what you will do differently (your action) and do it. This is one way that I help clients practice. I literally map out their Pain and Peace Cycle on my whiteboard in almost every session to some degree. I also draw up their cycles and steps on a large poster sheet that I ask them to take home and hang up in their closet so that they see it everyday and start to not only become more aware of it, but practice it. There are lots of other ways to have people practice insight from a variety of tools to experimental exercises. Regardless of what tools I give them to practice, I believe practice is essential.

 

Fifth, we come to transformation. I believe transformation is the culmination of taking one's insight and putting it into practice. And though we could think of transformation as the ultimate goal, it's really just the beginning. Once someone experiences transformation in one area of their life, then they often become excited to seek transformation in other areas of their life as well. So if there is a visual roadmap I give to clients and that I work from...in short it is something like this.

 

Insight + Pain Cycle + Peace Cycle + Practice = Transformation.

 

There are lot of details and nuances in these steps, but this is what I have found to be most helpful. So if you come work with me in my private practice in Plano, Texas, you will most likely hear me talk about something like this.

 

Whether you come in for marriage counseling or individual counseling around anxiety and depression, I will probably lay out some roadmap for you that looks like this.

 

Check out this podcast to find out more about this process. In this episode I discuss:

  • the importance of a therapeutic roadmap
  • the work of insight in therapy
  • the Pain Cycle work in therapy
  • the Peace Cycle work in therapy
  • the work of practice in therapy
  • transformation in therapy

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode

Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

Jul 11, 2017

This past May I had the opportunity to speak at Pepperdine University for the annual Bible Lecture's series. It's primarily a gathering of a combo of lay and professional ministry leaders, and as this event I was able to talk to them about one of my favorite topics...anxiety.

 

Anxiety is a huge issue both in and out of the church, and in fact, Walter Brueggemann has stated that it's the primary pathology in our culture that church leaders must deal with (see the excerpt starting at the 41:50 minute mark); I also believe anxiety to be one of the primary issues that our culture struggles with, and it can especially become toxic in a church culture where an extra stigma is attached to it.

 

In this lecture I walked the audience through several main points to better help them not only understand anxiety, but how to help them reframe it in a positive light, and what tools they can use, and steps they can take, to work with people who have anxiety. In this lecture I:

  • help them identify the importance of what everyone's anxiety story is and how that informs not only how they handle anxiety, but how they perceive it and work through it.
  • help them define what anxiety is and is not.
  • help them define how to best understand anxiety.
  • help them with the key ways to work through anxiety.
  • help them normalize anxiety.
  • help them reframe it as God at work in their lives, and as a friend, not a foe.
  • help them understand how violations of love and trust inform anxiety.
  • help them with tools to work with anxiety.

  If you are someone who has struggled with anxiety yourself, or know someone who does, and you want to be of help...then check out this episode.  

 

Resources and Tools Mentioned in this Episode

The Concept of Anxiety: A Simple Psychologically Orienting Deliberation on the Dogmatic Issue of Hereditary Sin by Soren Kierkegaard

Be Not Anxious: Pastoral Care of Disquieted Souls by Allan Hugh Cole Jr.

The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety by Kelly G. Wilson and Troy Dufrene

Bill Mounce's Exegesis of the New Testament word Merimnao (anxiety)

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Basel van der Kolk

Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfizer

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May

The Anxious Christian: Can God Use Your Anxiety for Good? by Rhett Smith

Existential Psychotherapy by Irving D. Yalom Failure of Nerve: Anxiety in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman

May 24, 2017

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to share with the ReEngage Ministry at Hope Fellowship the topic of forgiveness. It's such an important topic not only in all of our lives, but especially in the context of marriage where one's ability to forgive becomes an essential practice. In fact, forgiveness is the only topic that ReEngage covers on two different weeks.

 

In going into this talk I wanted to do something different on the topic of forgiveness. I have given other forgiveness talks in the past, but I know that when it comes to speaking to an audience they are probably more likely to remember the talk if it is embedded in an image and a story. So to do this, I reflected on Rembrandt's famous painting, The Return of the Prodigal Son. I did this by reflecting on the story of the prodigal son in the gospel of Luke 15:11-32, and by looking at Henri Nouwen's famous book on the topic, The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming.

In this podcast I reflect on:

  • 3 postures on the journey of forgiveness that I believe are reflected in the text and painting.
  • seeking forgiveness
  • withholding forgiveness
  • offering forgiveness
  • the varying ways that Rembrandt captures the story of the prodigal son in his painting.

 

Resources Mentioned in the Episodes

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

Luke 15:11-32

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Rembrandt

May 10, 2017

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to speak to a group of employees for Marriott Hotels here in the local Dallas area. It was a great opportunity to help others understand how to have healthy relationships in and out of the work place by beginning to take care of themselves.

So in this podcast episode I share what I shared with them:

  • helping them understand how they are part of a larger system in which they are an emotional unit of.
  • helping them understand that we are all "wired" from our early experiences, especially in our family of origin. I talked about our "wiring" around Love and Trust from the work of Terry Hargrave in Restoration Therapy.
  • helping them how they are specifically "wired", by helping them identify their violations of love and trust and connecting their feelings to their coping.
  • helping them to understand what self-care is, and how the practice of it can help them better emotionally self-regulate, therefore, helping them have a better relationship with themselves, and those in and out of the workplace.
  • and ultimately I gave them some practice steps to take home with them.

 

Link to Episode 93

Resources Mentioned in Episode 93

Restoration Therapy

Violations of Love and Trust

Self-Care and Relationships

Apr 17, 2017

I have shared in previous episodes that the journey through Lent has been one of the most helpful things I have done for my faith. And as we finished Lent this last week, culminating in Easter yesterday, I wanted to take a few moments to reflect on the next steps.

 

As we work on embracing and experiencing the resurrected and new life that Easter represents, what are our next steps?

 

One of the things I have been thinking about is how do we enter into this new season with open hands, full of expectation about receiving. The reality is that we often enter into a new season with fists clenched, holding on tightly to things in our lives....security, comfort, power, possessions, etc.

 

And I am reminded that after Jesus appears post-resurrection in the gospel of John, chapter 21, there is this beautiful and powerful scene picking up in vs. 18. Jesus is reinstating Peter and basically communicates to him that he (Peter) used to have the freedom and power to do what he wanted to do, but a time is coming when he will be led where he doesn't want to go.

 

That passage is a reminder to me that we often go through life dictating life by our own terms, and Lent and Easter is a reminder that the way forward is a way of letting go, and being led to places we wouldn't normally go. In that process we let go of power and control and a million other things.

 

If I'm honest with myself, I have probably only really intentionally prayed this prayer a couple of times in my life because it's a scary prayer, and the results though helpful in terms of my growth and relationships, haven't come about without pain.

 

So I'm hesitant to let to and open up my hands to receive what may be next.

 

I encourage you to think about this in your own life.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen

Apr 4, 2017

We live in a culture that continually inundates us with noise. That noise comes in all kinds of forms. Advertising, entertainment, technology, etc. Sometimes we are passive observers of it as we have little control over what billboards are placed in front of us as we drive down the road. Other times we are active consumers, spending inordinate amount of times on our phones playing games and engaging on social media. Regardless, the reality is that we live in a noisy culture.

 

And living in a noisy culture gives many of us little time to reflect about our inner lives. Some of us may like it that way, choosing to bury and keep buries painful feelings and events. While others like to try and reflect, but find it a constant challenge.

 

I think one of the beautiful things about Lent is that it gives us an intentionally created space where we can be in silence. There is a period of time on the calendar where we can engage in practices that foster our inner life...Lent allows us to do this.

 

If we are to become healthy people, who grow from our experiences, we have to be able to create space to allow the things in our lives that are buried to find the light of day. Silence allows those things to be stirred up and come towards the surface. And if we can pay attention to these things, then we can learn more about who we are, strengths and weaknesses, and become people who can grow in the process.

 

In this episode I reflect on the importance of this silence and some practical tips to make it happen.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life by Henri Nouwen

Mar 30, 2017

This week's episode is somewhat of a continuation of Episode 89 where I reflected on the role of Lent in helping us process pain and suffering, and as a time to work through trauma. That is, Lent is a period of remembering that is important for us if we are to work through our suffering.    

In this week's episode I discuss some ways that communities can create a safe space during Lent to process pain and suffering. In this episode I discuss:

  • Making it safe to discuss the hard issues such as death, suicide, anxiety, depression, loss, etc.
  • The importance of not giving easy answers (if any at all) to people's pain and suffering.
  • Learning to sit in in one's pain, in silence, together.
  • The role of rituals and symbolism in the healing process.
  • The boundary between bearing other's burdens, but also giving them the space to work through their own "stuff."

  Link to Episode 90

Mar 2, 2017

I have been thinking a lot about the Lent season, which is appropriate since Ash Wednesday was yesterday. Here is what I posted on Facebook last night:

Screen Shot 2017-03-02 at 12.21.24 PM

 

Over the next 40+ days I am going to take some time to reflect on some of the things I am exploring around Lent, trauma and remembering. I hope you will join me on this journey.

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

Lent

 

Feb 23, 2017

This last weekend I led a class on fostering intimacy in marriage to a group of premarital couples. I love doing this work, but intimacy can be a complicated issue. When we think of intimacy in our culture we often think of sex, or at least physical intimacy to say the least.

 

But the reality is there are varying kinds of intimacy that are important that a couple take an intentional stance on fostering in their relationship if it is going to be healthy.  

So in this episode:

  • I explore the theological underpinnings of intimacy that we see set out in the beginning of the book of Genesis in the bible.
  • I explore the varying kinds of intimacy that make for a healthy relationship.
  • I discuss the keys to fostering these kinds of intimacy.
  • I give several "exercises" that one can practice at home to foster intimacy in their relationship.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode

As for Me and My House: Crafting Your Marriage to Last by Walter Wangerin

Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch

Feb 13, 2017

I have been wanting to talk on the topic of grief and loss for quite a while. I was going to wait to do an episode with my father since that has been a big part of his professional life as a pastor and hospice chaplain. But in light of some recent events in our local community the last week, I thought I would go ahead and post some thoughts on this topic.

 

This is a topic near to my heart as I have had to spend a large part of my life working through grief over the death of my mom when I was 11 years old. And in my experience unresolved, or should I say, grief that hasn't been processed (because what is resolved grief anyways) can come back to create problems in other areas of our life.

 

In this episode:

  • I share my own story of grief and loss due to my mom's death at the hands of breast cancer.
  • I share some quotes from C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed, and how it was a campus pastor giving me that book that spurred me on my journey of working through my grief.
  • I share some practical steps one can take to work through grief.
  • I share some books that have been helpful in my own journey and the journey of others on the topic of grief.

Resources Mentioned in Episode

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff

A Letter of Consolation by Henri Nouwen

Center for Loss and Life Transition

Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Feb 8, 2017

If I had to take a guess, I would guess that at least 50-60% of every couple that I work with is in my office because of an affair. Affairs come in varied forms from the physical to the emotional and everything in between. And affairs don't discriminate based on gender, race, or age. In fact, it's often the person or couple that you expect least likely to have to deal with an affair, is the couple dealing with the affair.

 

My experience is that most everyone goes into marriage with the intention to stay faithful in the relationship, so it will often come to a surprise to a spouse, or the couple's friends when words gets out that an affair has taken place.

 

In this episode I share my experience in working with couples as they navigate the affair recovery process. And because one of my specialties is marriage counseling, it's not surprising then that a lot of the couples I work with are dealing with affairs.

 

I think there are some general principles as one begins to work to recover and heal from an affair, but the process can often be chaotic, and each couple needs different things. So in this episode I try and distill some of the most common steps I take with couples.

 

In this episode you will:

  • learn about the importance of creating stability in the relationship to begin the work of affair recovery.
  • learn about the importance of addressing the affair, rather than sweeping it under the rug.
  • learn about the process of salvage and restoration in the forgiveness process.
  • hear examples of how this work is done.
  • learn about a few book resources to help you on this journey.

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode

NOT 'Just Friends': Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley Glass and Jane Coppock Staeheli

Beyond Ordinary: When A Good Marriage Just Isn't Good Enough by Justin and Trish Davis

Feb 1, 2017

One of the things that I have come to believe through my work with clients, and through my own personal work, is that insight alone is usually not enough to create change. That insight has to be coupled with practice, and lots of it to create the change, and ultimately the transformation we desire. We could also say the same if we flipped it in reverse. Practice alone, without any insight, will also not create change.

 

I have been greatly influenced by this idea through a couple of key writings. One is the work of my mentor and friend Dr. Terry Hargrave out of Fuller Theological Seminary, his book Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy, along with my training with him, has been transformative in my life. His model of the Pain and Peace Cycle, alone with four very practical steps has been a game changer in my life and the life of many.

 

I have also really been influenced by the work of Angela Duckworth, and more specifically, her book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. In her book she delineates between deliberate practice and flow, and talks about how flow comes out of deliberate practice.

 

What I have experienced through the Restoration Therapy model is that the more individuals, couples, etc, practice their Pain and Peace Cycles, they can often get to flow states where it feels very natural, and habitual. But that transformational experience is only experienced because of the combination of insight and practice. Without both, flow and change isn't experienced.

I'm currently reading a really good book by Laurence Gonzales called Deep Survival:Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why. In this book he writes the following:

While the pathways from the amygdala to the neocortex are stronger and faster than the ones going the other way, some ability may remain for the neocortex to do the following: First, to recognize that there is an emotional response underway. Second, to read reality and perceive circumstances correctly. Third, to override or modulate the automatic reaction if it is an inappropriate one; and fourth, to select a correct course of action. (location 876-886/Kindle)

He then goes on to write:

When you learn something complex, such as flying, snowboarding, or playing tennis or golf, at first you must think through each move. That is called explicit learning, and it’s stored in explicit memory, the kind you can talk about, the kind that allows you to remember a recipe for lasagna. But as you gain more experience, you begin to do the task less consciously. You develop flow, touch, timing— a feel for it. It becomes second nature, a thing of beauty. That’s known as implicit learning. The two neurological systems of explicit and implicit learning are quite separate. Implicit memories are unconscious. Implicit learning is like a natural smile: It comes by way of a different neural pathway from the one that carries explicit memory. (location 896/Kindle)

 

After I read this I thought to myself, this are the steps Restoration Therapy model of the Pain and Peace Cycle. And he's talking about deliberate practice and flow states.

 

Why is all of this important? Because whether we are talking about life and death situations like in Deep Survival, or conflict in relationships like in Restoration Therapy, or athletic and artistic performance in Grit....they are all about a certain level of awareness (insight) that requires us to practice, and it's in doing so that we create change and make better decisions, and move closer to transformational flow.

 

In this episode:

  • I talk about the 4 steps of the Restoration Therapy model
  • I talk about deliberate practice and flow
  • I connect the brain theory writing in Deep Survival to both Restoration Therapy and Grit
  • I talk about how you can experiment with your own insight+practice= transformational flow this week.

 

Resources Mentioned

Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Dr. Terry Hargrave

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

Deep Survival:Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why by Laurence Gonzales

Jan 25, 2017

So I am not one to talk much about politics...at least online. There are several reasons for this. 1) I feel a bit naive on the subject matter and not as fluent in political knowledge and conversation as I would like to be. 2) I've rarely seen political discussion online lead to anything positive. So for the most part I work on improving my family, my neighborhood, and the communities around me by having face to face conversations (about all kinds of things), and working to affect change where I am able.

 

And I've noticed that ranting on FB about something does little to affect change.

 

And I think there is a reason for this.

 

This is the subject of this podcast. How emotional regulation (lack thereof usually), anxiety, and boundaries (usually violations of) lead to a toxic environment for political discourse. And in this I will just try and speak from my own knowledge of family and organization systems, and the lens that I view things from as a marriage and family therapist. And I think this has relevancy because we are all engaged in systems, and online political discourse is a relational system where the same principles apply. And I know I have a certain view point because of my own background and experience, but I try to stick to the published work out there on this topic (which of course has it's own viewpoints). That the reality...we all have viewpoints. But at the end of the day, I believe that if we can become aware of our biases and pain points, and emotionally self-regulate ourselves enough, we are actually capable of creating a safe environment that leads to action and change. Otherwise, all we are doing is slinging mud at each other.

 

I start this podcast with a quote from the Jewish Rabbi and Marriage and Family Therapist Edwin Friedman, who wrote:

 

"Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them"

 

In this episode I explore:

  • Boundaries. What they are and how they are violated.
  • The concept of emotional self-regulation.
  • Systemic Anxiety
  • The work we all need to do to act out of our true selves in a healthy way, that creates safety for others, and helps not only lead to civil discourse, but ultimately change.

In Failure of Nerve, Friedman writes:  

....Precisely because our technologically advanced society constantly keeps us in often-simultaneous touch with one another it may be more difficult today not to become caught up in the surrounding systemic anxiety. Ironically, the very advances in technology that mark our era tend to intensify the 'herding instinct' characteristic of an anxious society. This kind of enmeshment inhibits further the kind of individuation that is the essential precondition for bold leadership and imaginitive thinking....My thesis here is that the climate of contemporary America has become so chronically anxious that our society has gone into an emotional regression that is toxic to well-defined leadership....Emotional regression, therefore, is more of a 'going down' than a 'going back'; it is devolution rather than evolution....At the same time that a society is 'pro-gressing' technologically it can be 're-gressing' emotionally....When a society (or an institution) is in a state of emotional regression, it will put its technological advances to the service of its regression so that the more it advances on one level the more it regresses on another.... (pp. 52-55)

 

Jan 6, 2017

I decided to take about a 6 week break from the podcast to focus on my work and family as we entered into a very busy holiday season. It was good to take a break from the podcast as I focused on the New Year ahead.

 

I'm not sure what the podcast will look like in 2017, but I do know there will be one. I would really love to move to more of a guest format, but it's pretty challenging to line up all the details between myself and a guest when I spend most of my week in sessions with clients. But my favorite podcasts that I listen to myself, and my favorite episodes of my podcast, are the ones where the host talks with a guest.

 

So in 2017 expect to hear more guests on my podcast, and it's possible I may move from the 3-4 episodes a month format I've been doing, to maybe just 2 a month. Whatever I can do to maintain high quality is what I will be doing.

 

That being said, the beginning of a New Year gives me an opportunity to think through and reflect on the past year, as well as think about the goals for this coming year.

 

In this episode I:

  • reflect on some goals I achieved in 2016
  • reflect on some goals I failed in 2016.
  • share the books I read in 2016.
  • share my wholistic paradigm for goal setting which is based on the 4 parts of self-care I discussed in Episode 1.
Nov 17, 2016

One of the most common questions I get is about what marriage book I might recommend. That is a tough question in some ways because there are so many books out there, and every person responds to a certain book differently. So it's hard to be too prescriptive on this topic.

But I can tell you there are about 7 books that I recommend a lot, and have been recommending for a long time. And the reason I recommend these books is because they have not only transformed my life and marriage, but they are the books that couples consistently report as being the most helpful and life-transforming for them.

So in this episode I briefly talk about these 7 books. Each book is pretty different from each other. Some are Christian and faith based in their approach, while others don't come with any faith perspective. Some are pretty prescriptive in their approach, listing out steps and tools to use in your marriage, while others take a more philosophical and theological approach, but it's up to the reader to figure out how and if that applies to their marriage. Some talk about sex (one in pretty specific and graphic ways), while others don't even mention it. Some are more academic, while others are an easy read.

So check out these books and see what may most apply and be helpful to you.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson -- Great read by the founder of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Her seven conversations provide great insight and direction for couples working on their connection.

Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Terry D. Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer -- This is perhaps my favorite book on marriage because it is the therapy model founded by my mentor and friend Dr. Hargrave. It's the model that I use in therapy with my clients and what I teach in churches and organizations. More of a technical read for therapists and practitioners, though helpful for couples who do want to dive into the theory. I talk with Dr. Hargrave about his model here, and discuss it's concepts here, here, here, here and here.

5 Days to a New Marriage by Terry D. Hargrave and Shawn Stoever -- this is the book that was written by the developers of the 4-day marriage intensives at The Hideaway Experience where I was on staff for four years. It's a simple, awesome read that walks couples through was is essentially Terry Hargrave's Restoration Therapy model.

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch -- This book was probably one of the biggest life changing books for me individually, and in my marriage. It introduced me to the concept of self-differentiation in marriage, and it's ideas on anxiety and self-soothing are some of the most helpful concepts I use with couples. Schnarch is also a sex therapist, so this book will be the most graphic of the selection in terms of it's content.

The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family: A Leadership Fable About Restoring Sanity to the Most Important Organization in Your Life by Patrick Lencioni -- though this is not a "marriage" book per se, it is super helpful in marriages. My wife have worked through this book and it has been marriage transforming for us. I have written about this here, and did a podcast about it here.

The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle by Mike Mason -- This was really one of the first books that I read on marriage. I read it in seminary when I wasn't even dating anyone, and yet, it is a book I keep coming back to time and time again. One of the things I like about it the best is that it is not a marriage book with how to's or step by step instructions. It's more of a poetic and theological look at marriage.

Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy, More Than to Make Us Happy? by Gary L. Thomas -- One of the premises about this book that I think is so helpful is the concept that marriage is a refining process that is more about making us holy than happy. That is a tough sell in today's culture.

Nov 8, 2016

Last week I had the privilege of speaking to one of my favorite groups...MOPS. In this case it was the MOPS group at First Baptist Frisco which is an awesome group I have had the opportunity to speak to before (as well as their MOMSnext group). And as I was thinking about what topic to speak to them about, I started thinking about what season of life most of these moms find themselves in. It's tiring. It's busy. There is lots of new expectations, and that can sometimes be coupled with depression or anxiety. And in the midst of this, there is a marital relationship that they are trying to navigate along with all the challenges of being a new mom, or adding more kids to the family. And they might be in a marriage where their spouse is or isn't engaged in not only the life of the new baby and kids, but may or may not be engaged in the marriage as well.

 

That being said, it's a crucial time for marriages. And a lot of marriages tend to drift during this season, and those who are lucky course correct, and those who aren't, continue to drift apart further and further over the years. But what I have found in healthy marriages, especially ones who navigate this season successfully, is that it's not about luck, but rather about two people committed to working together to see their marriage grow in an intentional way.

 

So in this episode:

 

Resources and People Mentioned in Episode

Corey Allan -- Marital Drift Assessment

The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni

Link to my 5-Part Blog Series on Why Your Family Should Use The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family

Link to my podcast episode on creating a vision statement for your marriage/family

Link to my podcast episode on self-care and relationships

Oct 27, 2016

Last weekend I had the humbling opportunity to speak at the first ever Restoration Therapy Conference which was held at Pepperdine University in Malibu, CA. When the founder of the model, Dr. Terry Hargrave asked med to present on anxiety and the Restoration Therapy model, I knew it was an invitation that I couldn't refuse. I consider Dr. Hargrave not only a mentor, but also a friend, so I definitely wanted to participate in anything he was doing. But I also knew I would be anxious for several months leading up to my presentation. And I was. But it was a great time to be with a bunch of other therapists and researches who are on the ground floor in the ongoing development of the Restoration Therapy model.

 

I won't go into details in this post since you will hear more in this episode. But I've been using Restoration Therapy as my primary therapeutic model since about 2010 when I was first exposed to it co-leading marriage intensives at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, TX. I did not know the model as Restoration Therapy at the time, but rather as The 5 Days to a New Marriage model...and essentially, the Pain and Peace Cycle model.

 

But no model has changed my life more than this one. And no model has helped my clients more than this one. I have experience and training and proficiency in a lot of different models, but I believe this is the best one out there for a lot of reasons...many of which I will go into in this episode.

 

This is a 2 part episode, and in these episodes I explore the concept of anxiety and how it differs from fear...and why that distinction is so important. I look at what anxiety is and how to define it. I talk about how to normalize anxiety for your clients and reframe it as an opportunity for growth. I talk about how to get at the roots of anxiety using the RT Model and understanding the work of the Pain and Peace Cycle. I talk about how to take the Pain and Peace Cycle and practice it daily to create transformation. And then I talk about the important tools and resources that can help people manage their anxiety.

 

But for now, what you must know is this. In the Restoration Therapy Model, anxiety is not a feeling, but rather a coping behavior. We don't feel anxious, rather we become anxious. We do anxiety. But there is some other feeling that drives the anxiety. And that's important, otherwise we could end up just chasing the relief of the symptoms (though important), rather than dealing with the root issues of anxiety. Keeping that in mind, it's important to understand that anxiety is about issues concerning individual(love/identity) and relational personhood (trust/safety). And they are about "ultimate concerns" in life such as faith, life, death, purpose, meaning, relationships. Whereas, fear is about specific situations and circumstances.

 

So as I spell out in these episodes, my fear growing up was speaking in front of people because I would stutter. But my anxiety was that I would feel inadequate, be alone, not measure up. And I spent most of my life trying to relieve my fears (speaking), rather than understanding and dealing with my anxiety (coping behavior) and what was at the root of it, which was those feelings of inadequacy (feelings).

 

It may not seem like an important distinction at the outset, but actually has huge implications in terms of one getting healing when it comes to their anxiety. And I think you can see this distinction play out both in faith and biblical perspectives, as well as psychological and secular perspectives...so I address these integrative pieces as well.

 

So whether you are a therapist, lay counselor, pastor, friend, spouse, parent, colleague....who wants to help someone with anxiety...or whether you are trying to help your own anxiety...these episodes are for you.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

 

People and Resources Mentioned in the Episodes

Restoration Therapy Model -- in Episode 21 I talk about Restoration Therapy and how I use it for my work with individuals, couples, churches and organizations. Restoration Therapy Conference

Terry Hargrave -- in Episode 55 I interview Dr. Hargrave

Pain Cycle (this is Episode 42)

Peace Cycle (this is Episode 43)

Sharon Hargrave Steve and Rajan Trafton

The Hideaway Experience

The Anxious Christian by Rhett Smith

The Concept of Anxiety by Soren Kierkegaard

Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard

The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May

Be Not Anxious: Pastoral Care of Disquieted Souls by Allan Huge Cole Jr.

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety by Kelly G. Wilson and Todd Dufrene

The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich

Existential Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom

 

Oct 27, 2016

Last weekend I had the humbling opportunity to speak at the first ever Restoration Therapy Conference which was held at Pepperdine University in Malibu, CA. When the founder of the model, Dr. Terry Hargrave asked med to present on anxiety and the Restoration Therapy model, I knew it was an invitation that I couldn't refuse. I consider Dr. Hargrave not only a mentor, but also a friend, so I definitely wanted to participate in anything he was doing. But I also knew I would be anxious for several months leading up to my presentation. And I was. But it was a great time to be with a bunch of other therapists and researches who are on the ground floor in the ongoing development of the Restoration Therapy model.

 

I won't go into details in this post since you will hear more in this episode. But I've been using Restoration Therapy as my primary therapeutic model since about 2010 when I was first exposed to it co-leading marriage intensives at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, TX. I did not know the model as Restoration Therapy at the time, but rather as The 5 Days to a New Marriage model...and essentially, the Pain and Peace Cycle model.

 

But no model has changed my life more than this one. And no model has helped my clients more than this one. I have experience and training and proficiency in a lot of different models, but I believe this is the best one out there for a lot of reasons...many of which I will go into in this episode.

 

This is a 2 part episode, and in these episodes I explore the concept of anxiety and how it differs from fear...and why that distinction is so important. I look at what anxiety is and how to define it. I talk about how to normalize anxiety for your clients and reframe it as an opportunity for growth. I talk about how to get at the roots of anxiety using the RT Model and understanding the work of the Pain and Peace Cycle. I talk about how to take the Pain and Peace Cycle and practice it daily to create transformation. And then I talk about the important tools and resources that can help people manage their anxiety.

 

But for now, what you must know is this. In the Restoration Therapy Model, anxiety is not a feeling, but rather a coping behavior. We don't feel anxious, rather we become anxious. We do anxiety. But there is some other feeling that drives the anxiety. And that's important, otherwise we could end up just chasing the relief of the symptoms (though important), rather than dealing with the root issues of anxiety. Keeping that in mind, it's important to understand that anxiety is about issues concerning individual(love/identity) and relational personhood (trust/safety). And they are about "ultimate concerns" in life such as faith, life, death, purpose, meaning, relationships. Whereas, fear is about specific situations and circumstances.

 

So as I spell out in these episodes, my fear growing up was speaking in front of people because I would stutter. But my anxiety was that I would feel inadequate, be alone, not measure up. And I spent most of my life trying to relieve my fears (speaking), rather than understanding and dealing with my anxiety (coping behavior) and what was at the root of it, which was those feelings of inadequacy (feelings).

 

It may not seem like an important distinction at the outset, but actually has huge implications in terms of one getting healing when it comes to their anxiety. And I think you can see this distinction play out both in faith and biblical perspectives, as well as psychological and secular perspectives...so I address these integrative pieces as well.

 

So whether you are a therapist, lay counselor, pastor, friend, spouse, parent, colleague....who wants to help someone with anxiety...or whether you are trying to help your own anxiety...these episodes are for you.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

People and Resources Mentioned in the Episodes

Restoration Therapy Model -- in Episode 21 I talk about Restoration Therapy and how I use it for my work with individuals, couples, churches and organizations. Restoration Therapy Conference

Terry Hargrave -- in Episode 55 I interview Dr. Hargrave

Pain Cycle (this is Episode 42)

Peace Cycle (this is Episode 43)

Sharon Hargrave

Steve and Rajan Trafton

The Hideaway Experience

The Anxious Christian by Rhett Smith

The Concept of Anxiety by Soren Kierkegaard

Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard

The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May

Be Not Anxious: Pastoral Care of Disquieted Souls by Allan Huge Cole Jr.

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety by Kelly G. Wilson and Todd Dufrene

The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich

Existential Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom

Oct 6, 2016

One of the most common questions I get outside of my office (via Facebook, Twitter, email, etc.) is, "What can I do if I struggle with anxiety?" Or often they are asking for someone they know and care about, "What can I do to help someone with anxiety?"

 

I have to caution and say that there is not a one size fits all answer to this question.

 

But generally speaking there are 4 things that I tell that person that we can do:

  1. I help them see that anxiety is completely normal. There is nothing wrong with you for struggling with anxiety. That may seem obvious to many of you, but for many, having anxiety is like carrying around a scarlet letter on their chest in their community. So I try to normalize the experience for them.
  2. I help that person identify some tools and resources that will help them manage and or reduce their currently level of distress with anxiety. I find this to be an important step that allows us to move to the next thing.
  3. I help that person identify and work on the root issue that is driving the anxiety. Relieving symptoms is great, but to really transform anxiety, I want to help that person understand the root of their anxiety. Anxiety is the coping behavior of some feeling.
  4. I help the person reframe anxiety as an opportunity for growth. I want them to see anxiety as a friend who speaks into their life and guides them. I want to help them to see God at work in the midst of it.

These are four things that you can help a person, or yourself, who is struggling with anxiety. And these are the things that you might also want to look for in a counselor, therapist, pastoral counselor, life coach, etc.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

 

Sep 29, 2016

When I was in my early 30's I was fortunate enough to have a really great Marriage and Family Therapy supervisor in D. Michael Smith. He was actually one of many early great mentors I had and supervisors as I pursued my license as a therapist. But one day while I was in a supervision session with him, and I was feeling particularly stuck with a client, he took out a piece of paper and began to write some questions down.

 

He told me that he believed that every person is essentially asking these 4 questions at each new stage in their life (and potentially are questions that are constantly at one's top of mind). As he began to write I was super eager to see what these important questions were. He put the piece of paper between us and I began to look at the questions with him. The questions were:

  1. Who am I?
  2. What am I to do?
  3. How am I to be loved?
  4. How do I become all that God created me to be?

Essentially, they are questions of identity, vocation, relationship, and purpose/calling. And these questions are intimately linked with one another, because often one can't be answered without having answered the other.

 

In this episode I explore these 4 questions in depth and talk about why they are necessary questions for us. They are perhaps the most important questions we can be asking ourselves. They are questions of ultimate concern as I talk about in this episode. As the Christian existential philosopher/theologian Paul Tillich wrote:

"Man, like every living being, is concerned about many things, above all about those which condition his very existence...If [a situation or concern] claims ultimacy it demands the total surrender of him who accepts this claim...it demands that all other concerns...be sacrificed." (Dynamics of Faith)

I have written and talking extensively about how anxiety in the New Testament can mean different things in different contexts. Paul in Philippians uses the Greek merimnao to describe not being anxious (Philippians 4:6) and to have care/concern for (Philippians 2:20). In essence, the Greek word for anxiety here means literally to not be anxious, but at other times, have care and concern for.

 

So it's possible that our anxiety at times points to ultimate concerns because it's in our anxiety that we are being told to care for these things. And it's these questions that often come up for us.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

 

Resources and People Mentioned in the Episode
Paul Tillich
D. Michael Smith

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Plano, Texas. I work with individuals, couples, and families regarding a number of issues from marriage therapy, anxiety, depression, infidelity, faith, relationship strengthening, and athletic performance. If you are interested in scheduling a session with me, or having me out to speak, please contact us via email or phone (469-304-9022).

Sep 22, 2016

 

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” Soren Kierkegaard

That quote by Soren Kierkegaard in his work The Concept of Anxiety, has always been one of my favorite quotes. I think it truly captures the hear of anxiety for many...In that being free, creative beings who are responsible for our lives and the choices and directions we take...that freedom creates a lot of anxiety for many. In this episode I explore the varied definitions and meanings of anxiety from the clinical to the biblical, to the existential.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

 

Link to Episode 76

Resources and People Mentioned in the Episode

The Concept of Anxiety by Sorek Kierkegaard

The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May

be not anxious by Allan Hugh Cole Jr.

The Anxious Christian by Rhett Smith

1 2 3 4 Next »