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Rhett Smith Podcast

Therapist + Writer + Speaker In this long-form interview format Rhett explores the lives of various thought leaders to discover what helped them thrive in multiple areas of their lives, and what lessons we can learn from them. Rhett is particularly interested in the intersection of self-care and relationships, and he loves to explore how one can thrive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He interacts with people such as therapists, athletes, spiritual leaders, entrepreneurs and many others, covering a variety of topics from fitness, leadership, mental health, and spirituality. What would your marriage look like when you are thriving? What does your parenting look like when you are thriving? What does your work look like when you are thriving? What does your faith look like when you are thriving? When we thrive in these areas of our lives we become people who are "life-giving." And when we are "life-givers" we impact all the relationships around us in positive ways. So engage the podcast and discover how you can thrive personally and relationally.
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Now displaying: June, 2016
Jun 29, 2016

*Note: In this podcast I mention a social psychologist whom I couldn't remember. I realized that I was actually thinking of the work of Carol Dweck, but it wasn't actually her research I was referring to.

 

Recently I've been thinking a lot about a certain topic in parenting. And the topic revolves around how often we as parents use the "I am the parent" card in various forms or fashions. Sometimes we literally say that out loud, and other times we are just thinking it. You may have your own version, but I hear something to this effect quite a bit in my counseling sessions with parents and their adolescents.

 

And when I hear this statement (or some version of it) coming from a parent and said to their kid, what I essentially hear is, "What you have to say, think, believe, etc, doesn't matter." It basically cuts off any form of understanding or connection in that relationship, and I believe will eventually lead a kid to disrespect and rebel from their parents authority. Nothing communicates a lack of worth more quickly than basically not listening to those we are in relationship with.

 

I've been thinking about this a lot because on several occasions I've seen parents do a great job of really seeking to understand their kids in session...and it changes everything. Literally. One of the reasons I'm able to do it in session so easily with adolescents is because I'm not their parent, and the emotional connection is very different, and not highly charged. But with my own kids, I often find myself not taking the time to slow down and listen to what they have to say.

 

Listening to our kids is so important, and though there are times to make decisions as a parent and want follow through without any type of pushing back from them, there is also a really healthy exchange that takes place when kids ask and demand that we as parents give them answers. This is especially true the older the kid gets. And I think we actually do them a disservice when we just excuse their questioning, and we end up not really preparing them for the future. We need to help our kids understand why we make the decisions we make so they have a compass by which to make their own decisions. We need to show them that understanding and empathy and connection are important. In this episode:

  • I talk about the importance of kids questioning are authority and decision making.
  • I talk about why this questioning can lead to understanding and empathy and connection.
  • I talk about how we as parents help model decision making skills and understanding by going through this process with our own kids.

 

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

Link to Episode 68

Resources Mentioned in the Episode

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck

 

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Plano, Texas. I work with individuals, couples, and families regarding a number of issues from marriage therapy, anxiety, depression, infidelity, faith, relationship strengthening, and a whole lot more. If you are interested in scheduling a session with me, or having me out to speak, please contact us via email or phone (469-304-9022).

Jun 21, 2016

Sunday was Father's Day. And like Mother's Day...it can bring up all kinds of emotions for people. Positive emotions. Negative Emotions. Feelings of joy and happiness, or anger and fear, as well as loss. And that's just to name a few. I am very thankful that I have a very amazing father. I posted on Instagram just all that he has meant to me, especially when I take into consideration that my mom died from breast cancer when I was 11, and my dad became a single parent to two boys. And the longer I am a parent, the more thankful that I am. This is my experience, but as I wrote at the outset, days like these can bring up all kinds of feelings for people. And so as I mention in this podcast episode, I want to acknowledge that.

 

In light of Father's Day this last week I want to talk about 3 important life giving messages that I first wrote about in my book, What It Means to Be a Man. In Chapter 3 on Fathering I quote Larry Crabb from his book The Silence of Adam. Crabb writes:

"A godly father speaks three messages to his son: 1. 'It can be done. 2. You're not alone. 3. I believe in you.'"

Those 3 messages have been messages that have changed my life, and were ones that not only my dad instilled in me growing up, but ones that my mother did as well.

 

And though I initially wrote this for a men's book, and we are coming off Father's Day, I want to say loud and clear, that these messages aren't limited to father's and sons. These are messages that all people can speak to one another. Parent to child. Spouse to Spouse. Colleague to Colleague. We all desire to know these truths, and we should count it a gift if someone in our lives have spoken these things to us.

 

But here is your opportunity. You have the ability to speak these 3 messages (or your own version of them) to those people in your life who so desperately need to know these things. And even if they don't desperately need to per se, we all desire to hear these things spoken to us.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

So in this episode:

  • I talk about these 3 messages and what they mean.
  • I encourage you to think about those people around you who need to hear this message.
  • I challenge you to go out this week and speak these messages to those people.

Resources and Links Mentioned in the Episode

What it Means to be a Man: God's Design for Us in a World Full of Extremes by Rhett Smith

The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Chaos by Larry Crabb

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Plano, Texas. I work with individuals, couples, and families regarding a number of issues from anxiety, depression, infidelity, faith, relationship strengthening, and a whole lot more. If you are interested in scheduling a session with me, or having me out to speak, please contact us via email or phone (469-304-9022).

Jun 15, 2016

In my time on staff at the Hideaway Experience doing marriage intensives, my co-therapists and I had a few rules that we would often write out for the 4 couples on the their first day of intensive work. We found that having some guiding principles (rules) made the process more safe for everyone involved. And one of the rules that always stuck out to me was "Be curious vs. being judgemental". Pretty simple. We found that when spouses were curious about their partner, there were less likely to be in a posture of being critical or judgemental.

 

In fact, when someone is curious about you, it's probably likely you feel loved, valued, known...just to name a few truths. And so that principle has always stuck with me. And the more I started to think about it, it reminded me that I learned that principle about 15 years ago in seminary by one of my favorite professors, Dr. Ray Anderson, who is now deceased. He told my class a beautiful story about he and his wife that I share in this podcast episode...a story which highlights the importance of curiosity in a relationship.

 

So in episode 66:

  • I talk about when I first learned about curiosity and relationships from my professor Dr. Ray Anderson.
  • I talk about the rule that we used to share with couples at the beginning of our marriage intensives that helped foster curiosity.
  • I share why curiosity is such an important factor in all relationships, whether it be marriage, parent-child, colleague, friends, etc.
  • I share some quotes on curiosity.
  • I share some ideas how you can begin to practice and experiment with curiosity in your relationships this week.

 

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

 

Resources and People Mentioned in this Episode

The Hideaway Experience Marriage Intensives

Dr. Ray Anderson

Marriage and Family Therapist Todd Sandel

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

Rilke's quote on curiosity (i.e. questions)

Albert Einstein's quote on curiosity

Dr. Harville Hendrix's article on curiosity in marriage

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