Info

Rhett Smith Podcast

CERTIFIED EXECUTIVE COACH | LICENSED MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPIST | AUTHOR In this podcast we explore the intersection of relationships, mental health and performance, and how it impacts the systems and organizations we are a part of.
RSS Feed Subscribe in Apple Podcasts
Rhett Smith Podcast
2021
October
February
January


2020
May
April
March


2019
April
March
February


2018
September
August
July
January


2017
November
October
September
August
July
May
April
March
February
January


2016
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2015
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March


Categories

All Episodes
Archives
Categories
Now displaying: Page 1
Oct 5, 2017

 

 
 

One of the reasons many couples can't solve conflict in their relationship is because they often get stuck thinking that their argument is really about the topic at hand (i.e. money, sex, parenting, work, inlaws, etc.). And as long as they believe that, then they will stay perpetually stuck. What I've learned in my experience as a therapist is that the problem isn't about the topic, but rather the problem is the negative pattern of interaction that the couple has created over time in their relationship as they try to work through problems.

 

I'm obviously not the first to come to this conclusion, but this point has become more clear to me day by day in my work. I think that many of us counselors are guilty of sometimes just focusing on better communication techniques (which are super important), rather than helping a couple understand their underlying destructive pattern of interaction. My work in Restoration Therapy really helped me understand how guilty I was of this, and it helped provide me with a new framework to use in relationships with the Pain and Peace Cycle which I have talked about in many podcast episodes.

 

When a couple can become aware of and understand their destructive pattern of interaction (their Pain Cycle), and they can construct and practice a new positive pattern of interaction (their Peace Cycle), then they are ultimately able to create a safe connection, which will lead to the solving of issues if that was their primary goal (because sometimes the goal is just to connect).

People and Resources Mentioned in This Episode

Terry Hargrave and Restoration Therapy

 
0 Comments
Adding comments is not available at this time.