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Rhett Smith Podcast

Certified Executive Coach | Licensed Therapist | Author | Speaker In this podcast I explore a variety of topics and how they impact us as people. Our inner lives impact our outer lives, and how we navigate things like anxiety and relational issues, will influence what kind of leader we are becoming in our homes and organizations.
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Rhett Smith Podcast
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May 18, 2020

It's hard to know where to begin when describing my friend Marc Payan. Just Google his name and see what comes up.

Marc is a leader everywhere he goes, and like few people I have seen before, he inspires and encourages those around him to life a transformed life. That's the best way I can put it -- though it doesn't even really capture accurately what I want to say about Marc.

So you are going to have to take a listen. And check out his Instagram where he posts a lot of great content and daily stories.

Oh, and did I mention all the amazing work he has done in communities with his Payan X "movement".

Or that he is a Lululemon ambassador who has garnered global attention with his virtual running community during COVID-19.

As you can see, Marc is hard to describe in a few sentences, so I hope you enjoy our conversation covering a lot of topics from leadership, to his quad core principles, to his love of endurance running.

Check out our video interview on YouTube

Apr 17, 2020

Part of being human is that we get anxious.

And no human can opt out of experiencing anxiety.

It visits all of us at varying times in our lives, and to varying degrees.

But what if you can reframe anxiety in a way that you see it as a friend, rather than a foe.

What if your anxiety could help you grow?

I explore this and what it means to be anxious. And how we often misinterpret critical passages and understandings on this topic.

Apr 15, 2020

Todd Sandel (CEO and Founder of The SouthCity Group) and I discuss the importance of play and rest at home and in organizations.

One of the most important things leaders can do is model from top down the importance of play and rest to their teams.

Apr 15, 2020

Todd Sandel (CEO and founder of The SouthCity Group) and I continue our conversation around leadership during this time of uncertainty due to COVID-19.

In this episode we address leadership drift due to overworking and trying to prove ourselves worthy of adding value.

Apr 15, 2020

In my ongoing conversations with Todd Sandel (CEO and founder of The SouthCity Group), we discuss the difference between personal wellness and productivity. One leads to burnout, while the other can lead to a thriving home and organization.

Apr 15, 2020

Todd Sandel (CEO and founder of The SouthCity Group) and I continue our conversation about leadership during this time of uncertainty.

In today's episode we focus on the habits and routines that help leaders and their organizations thrive during this time. As well as talking about what that looks like in the home. Specifically the importance of tuning in with one another.

Apr 15, 2020

In this interview I chat with CEO and founder of The SouthCity Group Todd Sandel about how leaders can navigate this time of uncertainty.

We discuss the metaphor of trimming the sails and how leaders and their teams can identify and prioritize what is most important during this time.

This is critical in organizations and in the home.

 

Apr 3, 2020

Yesterday I posted a short video on the movement from orientation to disorientation to new orientation. I first learned it by this name and paradigm by reading Walter Brueggemann's work, The Message of the Psalms.

The movement itself is as old as humanity, and it is a movement that we all go through in our lives.

Currently we are in a period of global and national and local disorientation -- together -- I hope that we move into a newness when COVID-19 subsides, and that we just don't go back to our old ways. Because disorientation brings about growth.

There is an opportunity for us to be a new kind of people and community.

Mar 22, 2020

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<p>It's been a long time since I have done a podcast. About a year actually. </p>
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<p>I was on a break for awhile, just reading, researching, writing and focusing on other kinds of work. I had nothing new to add to the conversation so thought I would hit pause.</p>
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<p>But in light of COVID-19 and how it has caused all of us to look at some things in a new way, it has also really caused a spike in people's mental health struggles...from anxiety to depression, and beyond.</p>
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<p>In this episode I wanted to keep it simple and just focus on the four pillars of self-care, which is why I started this podcast about 3 years ago. It is more critical than ever that we are being mindful of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual capacities, as they are often the key to help up regulate our emotional reactivity...allowing us to show up in our not only our own lives...but the lives of those around us (family, friends, neighbors, community) in a way that is life-giving. And we need more than ever to be people that breathe life into those we are around. </p>
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Apr 18, 2019

In this episode I had the privilege of sitting down with my good friends Jeff and Robin Reinke. Besides being colleagues of mine in a workshop we lead in equipping ministry leaders in a variety of issues impacting the church, we are also co-authors in Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations.

Jeff is the Marriage and Family Pastor at North Coast Calvary Church in Carlsbad, CA, and Robin is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Carlsbad, CA. They are an amazing couple with a beautiful story of redemption and hope, and they are passionate about helping others navigate their own life struggles.

In This Episode

Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations

 

Apr 11, 2019

In this episode I discuss the topic of singleness with my colleague Kelly Haer. Kelly is on staff at Pepperdine University in the Boone Center for the Family where she is the Relationship IQ Director.

Kelly is a part of the teaching group that I am a part of that meets with and trains ministry leaders 3-4 times a year on issues that are impacting the church. In our time together we works towards equipping these leaders to more successfully address the issues that they come across in the local church. Singleness happens to be one of those topics that many churches are struggling to address, especially during a period of time where more and more people are not getting married, yet ministry often targets marriage and family.

Kelly addresses this issue at length in our free e-book, Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations. In this e-book, and in this conversation, she discusses the current state of singleness in the United States, its impact in the church, and how Restoration Therapy provides a tool to best address this issue.

Mentioned in the Episode

Kelly Haer

Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations

Mar 27, 2019

In this episode I get to sit down with a colleague of mine who I have been getting to know more over the last couple of years in our collaborative work together around Restoration Therapy and ministry leaders.

 

Robert Scholz is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, consultant and writer, who specializes in helping individuals and families who are struggling with addictions.

 

I am so glad to have Robert on the podcast, as addictions is something that I come into contact almost everyday in my work, but it's not something that I specialize in. So thankfully I have skilled people like Robert that I can refer to. In this episode we dive into what an addiction is, it's characteristics, and how it is defined. And we explore the impact of addiction on relationships, and more specifically drugs and alcohol, while also touching on the rampant and addictive nature of vaping.

 

 

Mentioned in the Episode

Robert Scholz Website

Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders: Restoring Relationships and Building Community During Difficult Conversations

Mar 22, 2019

In this episode I spend some time in conversation with Terry and Sharon Hargrave. Terry is the founder of Restoration Therapy and is the Evelyn and Frank Freed Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Fuller Theological Seminary and Sharon is the Executive Director of the Boone Center for the Family at Pepperdine University, as well as the founder and director of Relate Strong.

 

I have known this couple for about 8 years, and not only do I consider them close friends, but I am a huge fan of them. Restoration Therapy has changed my life and practice, and my wife and I have also trained together in Relate Strong.

 

I can not say enough nice things about Terry and Sharon, and the impact they are making upon the world. In this episode we explore some of the early roots of Restoration Therapy and Relate Strong, and why we are bringing this work to ministry leaders in our workshops that we do several times a year.

 

Mentioned in the Episode

Download your free copy of Vital Tools for Relevant Church Leaders

Restoration Therapy by Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer

Relate Strong

Mar 1, 2019

 

"for dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Genesis 3:19)

In this episode I reflect on the passage found in Genesis 3:19 that is repeated every Ash Wednesday.

 

It's a beautiful, but harrowing passage that reminds us of just how fragile and short our lives are.

 

But this reminder, rather than being tragic, is to help us focus on our life on what is important.

 

We were created from the very dust of the earth (Genesis 2:7). Our first work (vocation) was to work the land (the dust) we were created from, displaying a connection between our identity and the work, service and hobbies we put our lives towards (Genesis 2:15). And yet, often, many things cut us off from this very soil (the dust), and disconnect us not only from our identity, but our Creator as well (Genesis 4:14).  

 

Mentioned in Episode

"The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

Water from Rock (Check out their Lenten Devotionals)

Henri Nouwen

Ray Anderson

Semana Santa in Antigua, Guatemala

Feb 28, 2019

 

And he said, "Hagar, slave-girl, of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?" Genesis 16:8

Where have you come from?

Where are you going?

Perhaps these are two of the most important and fundamental questions we can ask ourselves. I appreciate that Jay Stringer brings to these questions in his phenomenal book, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing.

It wasn't until I read his book that I realized, these are two of the most fundamental questions I have been asking my whole life...and they are the questions that I am continually asking my clients in my therapy practice.

They often don't take the form of those exact sentences, but they are asked in some form or fashion throughout my work.

And it is these two questions, and this text, that I dive into in this episode.

I hope you enjoy the episode.

And more importantly, I hope you are asking yourself these two questions.

Mentioned in the Episode

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer

The Message of the Psalms by Walter Brueggemann

The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni

Feb 21, 2019

This episode is somewhat of a continuation of Episode 115 where I reflected both theologically and psychologically on the biblical text found in Genesis 1-3 (and a little of 4). Those opening chapters have lots of insight and implications for us relationally.

In this episode I want to pick up on some of those themes, especially the idea of self-differentiation, and focus on how Restoration Therapy lends itself nicely to this concept. I think you will find this a helpful episode in understand you and your relationships better.

 

Feb 13, 2019

I had the opportunity this last Monday to record a video on anxiety with another therapist, and one of the pastors at Preston Trail Community Church in Frisco. And then a few hours later, I talked to a group of parents at Legacy Christian Academy in Frisco about anxiety and depression.

It's obvious that anxiety and depression are prevalent issues affecting our culture today. One only has to read the latest headlines, look into the most up to date statistics, or have a conversation with someone you know....everyone seems to struggle with anxiety and depression at some point in their life.

This is an issue I have talked about a lot, and I continue to talk about it, as it's something I am very passionate about. There are lots of angles to approach this topic, but the most important in my mind is that we reframe the conversation around anxiety and depression as one being about shame and something being wrong with someone...to it's something that affects all of us, and we need to be able to bring it out into the open, and talk about how anxiety and depression can be used as an opportunity for growth.

In this episode I dive into what anxiety and depression are, how to reframe it, what tools you can use, and much more.

I hope you find this helpful.

Some of the Things Mentioned in This Episode

Kevin Love on his battle with anxiety

The Anxious Christian: Can God Use Your Anxiety for Good?

The Concept of Anxiety

Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: The Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety

Headspace

Don't Panic with Andrew Johnson

Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain

 

Feb 2, 2019

As I mentioned in a previous podcast, I thought I would take some time this year (on occasion) to stop and reflect on my reading of the bible, and how it connects at the intersection of theology and psychology.

So in this episode I want to take some time and just reflect on Genesis 1-4 and some insights that may be helpful for you and your relationships.

Enjoy the episode.

Books Mentioned in this Episode

Creation and Fall: A Theological Exposition of Genesis 1-3 by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

On Being Human: Essays in Theological Anthropology by Ray Anderson

Exclusion and Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness and Reconciliation by Miroslav Volf

Feb 1, 2019

It's been about 5 months since my last podcast episode, as I was needing to take a break for a while why I focused on some other goals.

 

But it's time for a new podcast season, and in this episode I talk about some new topics I am going to explore this season, as well as some new goals that I have been working on, and how I am using a paper journal to help me stay focused and on track. I hope that this episode motivates you in the new year, and gives you some new ideas to accomplish all that you set out to do.

 

 

Sep 19, 2018

"Love consists in this, that two solitudes, protect and border and salute each other." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

 

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I returned from a "marriage adventure" on the Inca Trail in Peru. This adventure (through WinShape and Intrepid), led us for four days and 3 nights hiking along the 33 miles to Machu Picchu.

This was an unbelievable experience for my wife and I as we led four other couples on this marriage adventure. But probably one of the most transformative aspects of the trip was the moments (sometimes very long moments -- hours at a time) of silence as I walked along the trail. And what struck me most was the moments of silence between my wife and I. A comfortable silence where neither of us felt the need to talk or crack jokes, or lighten the levity with noise. But instead, it was that silence that drove me closer to God, and closer to her. And it was in that silence that I really grew.

 

In this episode I reflect on the importance of silence in relationships, which is something that I'm trying to work on and get better at in my own life.

 

In the episode I mention the wonderful book by Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: Connecting to God Though Prayer, Wisdom and Silence.

And I also mention the book by Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.

 

 

Aug 23, 2018

As many of you know from listening to my podcasts, or reading my blog over the years, is I'm pretty obsessed with the novels of Susan Howatch. Particularly her Starbridge Series of which I'm about to finish my 9th reading of the series in the last 15 years. It's that impactful and transforming in my life.

 

But I talk about one book in particular in this podcast episode (Absolute Truths by Susan Howatch), and more specifically about one verse. The verse is Romans 8:28. The NIV translation is as follows:

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 

The Scottish theologian William Barclay translated the verse the following way:

 

“God intermingles all things for good for those who love Him.”
(Romans 8:28, translated by William Barclay)

 

I'm particularly drawn to this translation of the Greek text, especially as it tends to communicate that God takes all the bad and good, all the light and dark, all the negative and positive, and mingles them together. God weaves them together for good. God doesn't necessarily remove all the dark, but in mingling them together creates a beautiful tapestry of our lives that contain both the light and the dark. The implication of the translation has very different trajectory and understanding for one's life, than another translation.

 

With this in mind, I reflect in this episode on this translation.

 

In the episode I also talk about an article my dad wrote called Our Intermingling God, which I find particularly insightful for what is being discussed in this episode.

Jul 18, 2018

 

"I'd like to know more, of course, but I've accepted that there's nothing more he has to say; I've accepted that there's a limit on our knowledge of even those who are closest to us. The older one gets the more one realises how saturated life is in mystery, and the biggest mystery of all, it often seems to me, is the mystery of the human personality." -- Lyle Ashworth

 

Scandalous Risks by Susan Howatch

In this episode I explore the mystery that are people, and how it's not really until we create a safe space for others, become curious about them, and acknowledge that not all is to be known about ourselves and others, can we truly live in grace with one another.

 

Mentioned in the Episode

Lost

Susan Howatch

Starbridge Series

Glittering Images

Glamorous Powers

Ultimate Prizes

Scandalous Risks

Mystical Paths

Absolute Truths

Dallas Willard

Renovation of the Heart

Jean Marie Rilke

Letters to a Young Poet

Kalil Gibran

The Prophet

Jan 17, 2018

One of the things that happens at the beginning of every year, or at the start of a major transition, is that you see people setting goals. If you were like me you probably thought about all the goals you wanted to achieve in the New Year, and you might have even taken the time to write them down. But if you are also like me, it's possible that you have declared goals in the past, but never quite saw them to completion.

 

I count it a privilege that I get to spend about 1200 hours a year in session with people because I get to learn all kinds of helpful tools and tips from them. Though they are coming to get help from me (and I hope they find it helpful), I too am learning from them.

 

So in this episode I want to share with you 8 principles that I have found to be helpful in setting and completing goals. These are principles I've gleaned from reading, and from clients and colleagues and friends, and most importantly, they are principles I have put into action and had success with in my own life.

 

So in this episode I share with you these 8 important principles when it comes to goal setting:

  1. Focus on a limited number of goals (ex. 1-4 goals).
  2. Allow goals to build sequentially over time, or have "baby steps" built into them.
  3. Be very specific. (i.e. not I want to be fit, but rather, I will run this specific 5K).
  4. Attach goal to a bigger purpose/vision (i.e. I want to be able to keep up with my kids, etc.)
  5. Create accountability.
  6. Write the goals down
  7. Re-Evaluate the goals along the way (i.e. have a check-in process)
  8. Celebrate the accomplishing or achievement of the goal.

 

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni

Palo Duro Trail Run

Charity Water

Scott Harrison interview on the Rich Roll Podcast

Jan 10, 2018

The new near can bring forth a lot of varying emotions from people. In my experience, a large number of people come into the new year very excited about change and all the potential possibilities that await them. It's often a time to start anew. But there is also a large number of people who come into the new year with a lot of fears about what awaits them, perhaps because the prior year was so challenging. And when I think about these varying experiences I think about anxiety. Anxiety is both an excitement about something new and that we care about, but it can also be about things that create fear for us. Anxiety can be healthy or unhealthy as I have written about and said many times before.

 

In this episode I want to explore some principles and strategies that you can implement for yourself, or help others with this year. So if you work with a group of people this could be very helpful for you. And to do this, I primarily "piggyback" off a recent article I wrote for the Fuller Youth Institute called Helping Adolescents Work Through the Rising Tide of Anxiety.

 

In the article and in this podcast I explore:

  • Create space and give permission to talk about anxiety.
  • Help identify the roots of anxiety.
  • Provide tools to help manage the anxiety.
  • Reframe anxiety as an opportunity to grow.
  • Practice working through the anxiety.

 

Resources Mentioned in This Podcast

Helping Adolescents Work Through the Rising Tide of Anxiety

Downloadable PDF of the Pain Cycle (i.e. feelings/emotions)

Feeling Word Vocabulary (Think 2 Perform)

 

Nov 13, 2017

 

 

Often when I'm working with someone in session I try to think of visual and tangible ways that they can remember some of the things that we are processing together. And what I have noticed a lot about relational interactions is that there tends to be this movement that I have found to be helpful for people.

 

This movement goes something like this: a) Ask for what you need/want/desire; b) But then let go of expectations of what you just asked for; c) And then hold on to yourself. Basically the posture is about opening yourself up to be vulnerable in relationships to communicate what you desire, while at the same time not demanding or holding your spouse to that request. And as you do that, learning to emotionally regulate yourself ("hold on").

 

People who are able to do this in their relationships tend to have very healthy and successful relationships in my opinion.

 

So in this episode I talk explore what it means to:

  • ask for what you want/need/desire
  • let go of those expectations
  • hold on to yourself
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